This is the most fake conversation you are bound to have many times during your lifetime. Yes, think about it. How many times have you used this phrase without speaking the truth? We are stressed, tired, irritated, angry, disappointed but we will say that we are fine.
Why do we lie?
Firstly the main reason for doing this is because we want to dodge the next conversation that will happen the moment we say “I’m not okay/fine”. Also, we don’t like sharing our feeling at that very moment with everyone. That is a right thing to do but it’s a small burden you carry lying around people telling them you are fine when you’re not. The people around you will go around their business and will talk normally. They wouldn’t know the storm brewing inside you. They also wouldn’t be able to figure out that you’re crying from the inside.
Why would they?
You just said that you’re fine.
Instead of doing all this, why don’t you start to tell the people around you about what you feel. Yes, you don’t need to tell them exactly what the issue is. Just say the words “I am not okay. It’s something I’m dealing with which I cannot discuss”.
Speaking like this helps. First, the people around you are conscious of the fact that you’re not okay. Hence the way they speak will change. If you have a comfort friend, talk to him/her and get it out of your chest. Keeping the storm inside of you won’t stop anything. It is just a delay. This delay will result into a catastrophe someday!
This 4 letter word sounds simple and has a meaning which is different to every single being on this planet. Time waits for no one. It goes on and on. There will be a beginning for us and an end, but time will be there.
Knowing all this, I’d want to gather your attention to a topic you might relate to; “Giving your time”
Giving your time can be interpreted as giving it for your work, your passion, your love, your friends, your family and sometimes yourself.
The main question being, “Are you giving enough time to everyone?”
By everyone I mean that small list of people who matter the most to you; whose existence matter to you; their opinions you value the most; whose absence will hurt like nothing else you’ve ever felt.
If you’re doing that, then boy I’m proud of you. It’s tough to manage even a small list of 5-10 people.
Many of us like me find it difficult to manage time for those we like. When we fail to do so, we get to hear lines like,
You don’t have time for me.
There’s 24 hours in a day and you have not a minute for me.
You found new friends.
Your phone is more important.
Your work is more important.
Firstly, It hurts. Yes, it hurts both ways. Of course you had a lot of work and couldn’t get in time for the family movie. And yes, you got so lost in reading that book that you forgot to meet your parents and take them out for dinner. Of course that on the one holiday you got for the week, you decided to sleep and rest and not meet your friends.
We often see our side of the story and fail to see the other side of the story. The only thing you need to do here is to make up for that lost time.
Yes, you couldn’t make it in time for the movie. Make sure you make it for the next one soon.
Yes, you slept off the entire Sunday and didn’t meet your friends. Make sure you meet them soon.
Although the only thing that matters is your effort. If that effort takes long, then with time, there will be a distance between you guys. It’s tough to break that. It’s even more tough to take more effort to make it work.
For what it’s worth, don’t let it reach that stage. Take those actions soon. Many don’t have even 2-3 people around them asking about their well being. You have more. Don’t lose it.
Lastly, a special mention goes to those with parents. Give them time. Even if it’s a 1 minute call; do it everyday. You don’t know what’s in store for tomorrow. It doesn’t matter that you’re neck deep in work or too tired to move a muscle. Talk to them. It really matters to them.
As any other Sunday goes, I visit the church for the Sunday mass and then after meeting, greeting and to talk with few friends, getting some groceries or other food items for the house, I read the newspaper.
Usually, there will be a rape case, a murder or a suicide which hurts while reading. Today was no different. The suicide cases hurt more because that’s done by someone’s own will and for a reason that might sound petty to many of us.
Today as I read the newspaper about yet another “blue whale” suicide case, I remember the topic on which the priest spoke about I.e. the challenges youth face in a family.
There are many thoughts that go on in our young minds. We have a lot of questions, a lot of doubts, are scared of few things and situations. All we have to do is knock the door and ask our parents to talk about it. If not them, then a sibling, an uncle, an aunt, a relative who lives nearby etc. My point is, a lot of things can be sorted by this four letter word “TALK”.
We live in a time when we are told that due to technology, people living in one house don’t talk to each other but are buried inside their phones. That the only noise on the dining table would be of cutlery clanking on the plate or the sound of the television set.
And guess the best part of all this?
Even after knowing this and seeing videos showing how bad it is, we choose to blatantly ignore it and continjue doing so. Have you ever thought how silent your home gets when you do nothing apart from be inside your phone or watch the TV? Think about it. It will feel like a mortuary.
Coming back to the issues that youth face, there’s no one to blame. It’s just that we assume the outcome without even talking to someone.
What if my father hits me or tells me to leave the house?
What if they take away my phone if I tell them I failed?
What if they don’t allow me to hang out with my friends?
What if they treat me differently if I tell them I am addicted to smoking/drinking?
The “What If” is not right. We shouldn’t be assuming the outcome already. It’s possible that this can happen;
Your father will ask you to explain everything; might be upset; but pledge to help you no matter what, as you’re his son/daughter.
Your parents will not stop you from using your phone, but limit it for your betterment.
Your parents will ask you to get your friends home so they can also your circle and appreciate it.
Your parents might get upset that this has happened but will realize the strength you had to come up to them. They’ll be glad they heard it from you and not from some doctor in a hospital when you collapse.
There’s a lot of things which can happen. Just talk!
So what if they get upset; Don’t you think they should be?
But in the end they’ll turn around for you.
There’s nothing more hurting than unspoken words.
Think about those who have lost someone just because the kid thought jumping from the terrace was easier than talking to his/her parents. What would be their state?
They’d wish anything for time to rewind so they would tell their kid that everything is fine and they’re there to help him/her get through with the problem.
There is nothing more assuring than the words spoken by your near ones saying “It’s alright”.
What if God has decided that randomly he shall choose a person and whatever he wishes for shall be fulfilled.
Just imagine, there are so many instances when we actually wish things go our way and they do.
What if that day God actually wanted to give you what you want.
Also, Imagine you waiting for the train or bus which is late. You wish that it arrived soon so you could go home. And God fulfilled your wish.
Does that make you happy? Yes..
But after you know God would have fulfilled anything you wished for.. Would you be happy? Doubtful..
Obviously if we’d know that the almighty would fulfill any wish, we’d definitely ask for something extravagant.
But how many of us would decide to wish for something else like erasure of poverty, wars, debt etc? I think only a few of us would. I’d ask too for something like a never ending bank balance and travel all the time without any worry or get some super power.
Either this way or that way there are many such instances when you thought things were not going your way but it just took a u-turn and everything went your way! There’s no explanation for that sometimes, right? What if that day God decided to fulfill whatever you desired?