Validate your child:
St.Michael’s Church,
Mahim, Mumbai
13th June 2015
It was just one of those rare moments when I visit this church. But whenever I do, it’s always special.
I heard a sermon from the priest and the topic was amazing. There were none who dozed off mid way like some usually do (not kidding). Especially parents had their attention solely to the words coming out from the priest.
The topic dealt with validating your child. Here’s my view on it.
Situation 1:
There are moments when you expect something from your child. When they don’t live up to your expectations, it’s obvious you get a bit hurt. Maybe and just maybe you might raise your hand or you might scold them. The point here being you would make it known to them that you are upset.
That’s somewhat right and logically understandable. That’s because we want the best for our children right? We don’t want them doing the same mistakes we’ve done. But there’s another version to this also.
What if they lived up to your expectations? Do you validate that? Do you let them know what they did was very good? Do you treat them? Make them feel good?
I hope the answer to at least one of the above questions is a big fat YES, because then you’re doing it right. (At least that’s what I think).
Situation 2:
There are moments when your child expects something from you. Yes he/she will not tell you what it is. It can be anything.
Let’s say for example,
· He makes a drawing. It’s not that great but he thinks he/she really put his heart to it.
· Or he tried his best to study well and managed to get better marks than before.
What do you see?
That his drawing is not better than others? That he still is getting just a few marks above the minimum marks needed to pass?
Please don’t tell that to them. You wouldn’t know what that would do to them.
Children when small have this one expectation that is to have their parents validate their effort. All you have to tell them is that their effort matters a lot. It can have a glorious impact. They would try getting better. They would be happy.
But if you don’t, it would break their tiny heart. And then who knows that’s the attention they’ll crave for their entire life. In some ways or the other they will try filling this void.
The people whom we call attention seekers maybe and just maybe are the ones who did not get the attention when they needed it the most.
The question being,
Would you want your kid to grow up that way?
Please don’t.
He will fail, he will do stupid things. You will scold.
But when he does something good, tell him he did good.
It might be nothing extraordinary. But still, validate your child.
P.S – It’s a thought which I took a lot of time to jot it down. I don’t intend to hurt any parent who thinks’ I’m mocking their methods of parenting.
Have a nice weekend folks!