25 to 30 – The Age of Never Ending Tension or “Haseen Dard”

BEING 27 gives me perspective about Life in a term I’d define as “Haseen Dard“! 

For those who don’t know about me, I’m Lancelot Quadras. 27. An MBA in Finance. I worked for 3 years in the accounts team. I left that job for a fresh start in something I like i.e. Content writing.  I sleep well nowadays without worrying. I have few friends whom I care for and more than half of them are convinced I’m going to hell. Yes, the irony there is alarming. I like to read, write, watch tv shows, try new cuisines and a believer in the little moments that give meaning to life.

So why do I write about this “Haseen Dard” today?

It’s been 1 month since I’ve been either reading stories online on mental health, tension, depression, anxiety, stress, suicide a lot. The concept of “mental health” has been on the rise recently. Recently, on day 3 of the Mother Mary Novena, I heard the priest who in his sermon again mentioned about the stress level which impacts our fragile mind and body very badly. His story about a youth who crumbles under pressure brought me to realize one thing; Tension is everywhere. There is no specific date or time. But if there was, I would term the age group of 25-30 as the highest.

Here, we are;

  1. Working towards increasing our salary
  2. Looking for better career options side by side
  3. Not being able to give time to things we like, family and friends
  4. Regretting that we are missing out on so much.
  5. Losing friends quickly.
  6. Losing interest in things we like because we have no time.
  7. Planning for the future as our parents cannot work forever.
  8. Planning for a new house before getting married.
  9. Oh yes, finding a suitable partner.
  10. Probably finding love too!

These are just the first 10 thoughts that popped on my mind. I respect those who prioritize well and manage a balance between their work life and personal life. I try my best to give time to the people I care for. But there are just 24 hours in a day and sometimes I really become selfish and slump on the couch and rest. It’s a guilty pleasure but I also believe in “Me Time”.

What did I learn during this period?

  1. There is no time for waiting. If there’s an opportunity, then take a decision. It’s either a yes or a no. Don’t just let it pass so that you can regret it for the rest of your life.
  2. Not even google can help you when you type “how to be happy”. Only you can. The only behavior you can control is your own. Prioritize your relationships, give time to those you care about and lastly…Love yourself.
  3. Stop looking at love quotes and dreaming about him/her. Don’t just use the love calculator and blush all day. No one has time. If you really like someone, grow some courage, walk up to them and let them know what you feel. Trust me, there is no worse regret than the ones where we didn’t speak our heart out.

So far, this is what I’ve learnt and I know there’s a lot more left to learn. Until then, please do comment on what was the stage where you were just too tensed and how did you come out of it unscathed!

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71 thoughts on “25 to 30 – The Age of Never Ending Tension or “Haseen Dard””

  • Every age has its quirkiness – I still feel the 20s are a wonderful age… but still with today’s social media revolution – every age seems to be pressured!

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  • Lancelot, Wait till you reach your 40s :-P. On a serious note, times are changing and so are our needs. But most can be managed with knowledge & planning is important for many if not all.

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    • Huma, my mother says the same. She’s just like wait till another 10 years and see where the time runs away. And yes, the most important aspect is planning. Without a goal or a destination, we are just people walking in the dark looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

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  • We all go through this different phases as we go through the different stages of age. Things around us change and the way we look at life changes. The perspective. Work, interest, responsibilities in life govern the way we navigate our life’s journey. The nature of work we do and does that matches our interest, you love content writing and you were into accounts, and you taken a decision to move ahead in life what we love do is steeping stone for something big to come our way. But again we need to build and nurture what we love to do…the focus and the drive is so vital in doing so.

    #MyFriendAlexa, #MakeupReads

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    • Hi Nihar. Yes, it is just that stages like these shape the way we think. It’s such experiences that help us grow as a person. Changing my job was by far the toughest decision I ever took. But it helped me understand what was more important in life and that is my happiness!

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  • Being at the exact same age-point I feel everything you’ve mentioned. It’s all too real 🙅🏻

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  • completely agree with you. I quit my job as Trade Marketing personnel three years ago and turned into content writing and design full time – it probably is the bravest and best decision to take. A lot of people did tell me I am going to hell, or showed sympathy as if NO WORK IN OFFICE = NO MONEY. They probably don’t know a stress free life without a dragon like boss and making a name for yourself where you work for yourself is a better choice.

    I loved reading what you learnt in this period – perfect learnings!

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    • Hi Tina, high five! I am glad you can relate with me. Indeed taking that decision got me a lot of people showing me the cons of shifting my career choice. That my salary will begin from scratch and I’ll be earning less. It will get tougher for me to find a suitable match and etc etc etc. Honestly, a good night’s sleep without stress is the first thing I wanted to worry about. There’s no point in doing something that adds no value to your life, what say?

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  • For years I have refused to work with my husband and help him out with his work. But right now I am standing on the verge of crossing that mental block and I completely get what you mean. One has to feel happy about what they do. Else it will get mechanical after a point of time and you will eventually burn out. A very useful post

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    • I know the mechanical aspect of the job very well. There is a point where it just doesn’t make sense anymore. I hope you get clear of the mental block soon. Glad you liked my thoughts. Cheers!

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  • Its the most important part of our life. Here, we need to take a lot of decisions for our upcoming life.

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    • I know right. With this age comes a lot of responsibilities and life decisions which need to be taken. It’s that stage where we leave our care free selves and plan for a better and secure tomorrow!

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  • 25-30 the best age really, as after that you need to put into practise all that you’ve learnt. Not fun at all!:)))

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    • Hi Mayuri, I still have 3 to go so will take your advice and have more fun. Learning is a long way and a never ending process for me. I’ll wish to get better in time to prosper!

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  • I’m in love with the way you’ve written this post. Subscribing to your blog now 🙂
    I had to leave my favorite process trainer job after marriage due to city change but I’m so happy to leave that job today. I feel content to help him with online software support and blog during my free time. I also love the way you said “Google can’t make you happy”, it is up to us which can change every situation.
    #vigorousreads #MyFriendAlexa

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    • Hi Varsha, I highly appreciate your words. Thank you so much. Yes, google can never make us happy. Maybe temporarily we can find happiness but to find it’s true meaning, all you need is to understand yourself and what makes you happy. Then life gets a bit easier.

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  • I am 52 now. When I was your age I too learned a lot of things. Initially I set off on a mad rush to grow in my career, but when I found myself working round the clock I decided to take it slow. And I do not regret the decision. Yes, you are right, it is the age when we have to prioritise things and learn quiet a bit. #MyFriendAlexa #JaiSReads

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    • Hi Jaya aka SmallFryBlogger (love the name). Loved your book (Eighty hours to save Karen) I appreciate your words a lot Sir. Indeed in your time or mine, priorities were always there and with time, we learnt how to deal with it. I’m glad you took the choice of slowing down. Working round the clock can hamper us in a lot more ways apart from health.

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  • It’s great to see you share all those learnings from your ‘Haseen dard’ phase of life. Looking back at my 20s, I have my share of learnings too… but then come any stage of life, there are pressures to handle as Jayanthi puts it.

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    • Hi Medha, pressure will always be there. No matter what the age group. For me, since I’m in this stage, I couldn’t help but share this dard with all! It’s indeed going to be there a lot more in store for me so I’ll wait for my time.

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  • I can so relate to you, being of the same age!

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    • Hi Deevyanka, High five! Welcome to the club. There is a lot to be learnt and I’m sure there will be more moments of dard and happiness together!!

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  • I turned 30 last year and I miss my golden period of 20-25…. 🙁

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    • Hi Agnivo, Well, we always like that golden period. I too miss that time. It’s amazing how when we look back, we wish if we could ever get that golden period again. But time never waits for anyone so we have to accept our fate! 😛

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  • Great article. I think that balance is the key. If you take care of your career, your friends, your family, your fitness, your health, your ‘me’ time and do a little bit of all of these things in a day or a week you can be happy.

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    • Hi Kalpana. Bang on! Finding the right balance is very important in life. If I can get through with removing time for everyone for a week including me, then it will make me more happy. Not that I don’t try, but it sometimes is impossible to give time to everyone. Getting exhausted is what happens to me at the end of the day!

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  • Your twitter is not embedded in your blog so although I shared it on twitter you won’t get to know that I did.

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  • Life is indeed stressful.. too many wishes, too little time and fierce competition everywhere. Its upto each one of us what we want to make of our life. Learning to accept things that are beyond our control, living each day to the fullest and being charge of our happiness i e doing things solely for ourselves at times is my mantra for happiness

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    • Hi Akshata. Yo summed up my thoughts in 3 lines. Most of the times we fail to understand that few things are not in our control. No matter what we do, we will miss meeting someone, talking to them, giving them time and being part of their happiness. But that’s just how it is. To make others happy, you too need to be happy and hence self love and appreciation is very important.

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  • Loving yourself is the first bad most important step.
    Congratulations on becoming a full time writer. All the best with myfriendalexa

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  • I thought this would be some fun, quirky post about heartbreaks. But its something worth pondering on. Yes most people make mistakes in their 20s which stay with them, nay haunt them for life. Pick those opportunities and stop waiting for love to arrive. Good tips Lance.

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    • Hi Nayantara. Indeed few years ago I would write about these things for sure. Now there are more moments where decisions are tough and prioritizing has gone up to a new level. And yes, I always make a choice when an opportunity arrives. It’s best to make a choice rather than regret of doing nothing. Glad you liked my thoughts.

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  • Straight from heart, light post!
    Every phase of life is important and worth living. It comes with its own pros and cons and I can see that you are enjoying your life. What else does one need? Dont change a bit and you will have a great experience that is living life to the fullest and not just existing!

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    • Hi Anagha, Thank you so much. I do make it a point to enjoy life and be around people that matter to me. It is very important to enjoy life as only when you are happy can you make others happy. What say?

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  • Nice post. It reminded me of a book, “All I really needed to know, I learnt in kindergarten.”. Your message is kind of like that. In todays fast paced life, only a very few have courage to stand apart and view the world flow by from side. Great going my friend.

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    • Hi Abhijit. Wow. I love the book name already. Must check it out. I highly appreciate your words. Thank you so much. It’s important to have your own view or else you just end up being part of a crowd and following the trend.

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  • I loved the way you articulated your learning. Believe me when I say that you are in the right age to enjoy your life because once you cross 35 then there is a whole new world and everything changes for good/or bad i don’t know :)Yet we all miss those times when we were in our twenties..:) It is so true that life is full of stress if you have to go out and work yet we have to find those little things for one’s own happiness and stay grounded. I am glad you found your calling and took it forward from there. Wish you luck !!

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    • Hi SK, thank you so much for your kind words. I got your advice. I will ensure that i enjoy time while it lasts.The age group after this will bring new challenges for sure. As far as my calling, I’m glad I took this call seriously. Hoping to make a better impact this time.

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  • 25-30 is Age of actual Adults. Remains of teenage fun and childhood pastime feels delusional. Real work is acknowledged. Real Emotions are felt. Real problems are dealt. Real Success is determined. Excitement of Responsibilities. Independence of Earning. Values privileges. Current holder of ‘society’. And lastly, either successful to resemble or become philosophical to explain failure.

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  • There’s always a room to learn regardless of age. Love is not a calculator..thats a wonderful way to express . Nice read 🙂

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  • I’m glad you realized early on that the career was not for you and made the switch to something that leaves you more relaxed and fulfilled. Though I think the learnings that you have listed resonate at any age. I am past the “haseen dard” phase as you have termed it, yet I think I need to remind myself of these 10 points every day

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    • Hi Mahak, Yes that realization was enough for me to understand I need to fight for what I like and what is right. And agreed, this dard will be there for all my life with different highs and lows!!

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  • I feel you man because I am exactly in that age bracket. Your post is now making me think of a post of my own where I can talk about the age of the “late” 20s where you seem to be moving just not forward!

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    • Hey Suchita, high five! Welcome to the club. It’s just that I didn’t even take time to write all this. The thoughts kept flowing like the dard this is. Anyways, haseen dard hai. Jhelna toh padega hi!

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  • I agree to the sentence that Google will not gurantee you happiness. It is only we who can mend ways to be happy.

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  • So long Lance! I see you’ve only gotten better at it!
    Damn this age 😀 I can totally relate with you and yes it does sound good on paper, but really hard to make decisions. However, yes they are essential!
    Anyhow, all the best 🙂

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  • just love this post. spot on Haseen dard of 27 and 28th year of life.

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  • My friend, you’re in the best stage of your life where responsibilities haven’t trickled in and the josh to accomplish what you want is at its zenith.Gosh! I miss my 20s. Enjoy it as much as you can. To be honest, every age brings with it, its own set of issues which we must all be savvy enough to handle. Loved reading your post. Cheers!

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    • Hi Dipali, My mother says the same thing. She’s like be ready for the next 5 years after 30 and you’ll know all kinds of dard! I didn’t know if that was motivation or a warning but she said it point blank! Anyway, I know this stage is something I need to enjoy and I will!

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  • Be it the age 25-30 or beyond that…..Stress is always there. You are right in shortlisting them here.

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  • Loved your title – Haseen dard. Well, not to scare you but once you are in your 30s, all you are left with is dard! LOL! Enjoy the haseen as much as you can! 🙂

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    • Hi Anshu, Yes, I have been given a very good sitting down lecture by Maa first. She laughed and said, wait for the next set of 5 years and you’ll remember me even more!! I’m enjoying this pain as long as i can!

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  • How very interesting. To stop looking at Love quotes does help.Best wishes with your work

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  • Every age has it’s fun and quirkiness. Like the joy of late thirties. A decade later quirkiness might stay however fun is matter of personal ‘treasure’. Nice post.

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  • very honest and direct from the heart post. I loved reading the last three points the most, your learnings and could not agree more. Happiness is all around, in the little things, we need to see wisely and create our own happy world. Its all about your attitude towards life and yourself. Great post overall.

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    • Hi Vartika, I am glad you liked my views. The little things matter to me a lot. It’s those moments that define what you think about life and the people that make it special for you.

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  • every age has its ups and downs. 20 to 30 was a freebird. 30 to 40 a refugee, and now i am 41.. it’s getting tougher on the note.. its like mental asylum with tensions

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  • The conversation on your post is on fire, Lance 😛

    There is some great advice here. I would only want to add that whenever the people around you think you are going to hell, take it as a sign that you are doing great and going in the right direction.

    That’s my mantra, anyway.

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  • Important points here! We tend to take our friends, relations and everything under the sun except money for granted. Listening to our heart is something that we should never stop doing.

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  • Oh man.. I hardly even remember those years now… So much goes by in life during the thirties 🙂

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